Go out into the world...

While I was driving in Montana during this vacation, I saw this large bill board that carried the following message:
WATCH FOX NEWS
BE HONEST
VOTE REPUBLICAN

I know this reveals my bias, but it occurred to me that maybe this was a multiple choice quiz to measure national intelligence.

It got me to thinking about a multiple choice quiz for Christian intelligence.
GET YOUR RELIGIOUS FAITH FROM MEGA CHURCH BROADCASTS
LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR
PURIFY YOUR LOCAL CHURCH BY ELIMINATING THOSE WHO DISAGREE WITH YOU.

What if you could only choose one. What would it say about your Christian intelligence?

10. Once when I was sick the church didn’t visit me, so I’m not going to visit them.

9. The church is always talking about issues of life and death. I’ve got more important things to do.

8. The church is always talking about money. I may give 20% to the waitress but I don’t understand why I should give 10% to God.

7. I’m busy 24/7 with important things, why should I waste precious time praising God.

6. Like I said to my neighbor, I heard the church is full of gossips and from what I’ve heard some church members don’t have such great reputations either.

5. The music is too loud, or too soft, I don’t remember which but they never play the one note that I can sing.

4. The church is full of hypocrites, why should I spend time with people like me.

3. I can’t stand their holier than thou attitude. I’m just too good a person for that.

2. I can pray to God just as easily on the golf course. In fact I often use God’s name out there.

1. The church is always involved in controversial issues. Don’t they know that type of activity got Jesus killed.

This whole issue of sin in a congregation is a little confused. Think about how different the expectation with respect to sin are for clergy and for members of the congregation.

It is assumed that clergy are experts on sin but never enjoy it.

It is assumed that members of congregations are ignorant about the nature of sin but enjoy all its benefits.

If a congregant comes to the pastor and says, “I’ve sinned and done terrible things. I don’t know why I did such horrible things.”, the pastor is to respond, “There, there, my child, don’t be so hard on yourself. God understands that we are fallible humans and God forgives you. Try to do better next time.”

If a pastor is discovered to be sinning, especially with respect to sex or finances, the congregation responds, “Fire the so and so. Run him out of town on a rail.”

“We expect better from our clergy. How dare they expect to be saved by the grace of God.”

I’m not very technologically sophisticated and I have never twittered. I understand that to twitter you must compose your message in 140 characters or less. At first I thought why would anyone want to compose a message in only 140 characters. It can’t be that important. Then I began to think about where twittering began. I did research and discovered the first twitter messages:
“Let there be light”
“Let there be a dome in the midst of the waters, and let it separate the waters from the waters.”
“Let the waters under the sky be gathered together into one place, and let the dry land appear.”

And so it continued. I guess you can do a lot with 140 characters.

Of course the problem is that such short messages can lead to misunderstanding. So when the first twitter discovered that the message had been misunderstood. A second set of twitter messages were sent out.
“You shall not murder.”
“You shall not commit adultery.”
” You shall not steal.”
“You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor.”

At least in one case, this twitter broke the 140 character rule. The commandment on the Sabbath went way over the limit. Do you suppose this is why that commandment is so little understood?

Look, up in the sky
It’s a bird,
It’s a plane,
No, it’s superclergy

Faster than unfolding sexual scandals
More powerful than church bureaucracies
Able to mold rebellious teenagers with his bare hands
While not disturbing the sins of the parents.

Yes, it’s superclergy
Fresh out of seminary with 30 years of experience
Who came to earth from another planet
Unaffected by the crass issues of a descent salary
Married and with two perfect children while remaining a virgin.

Superclergy, who
Knows people are sick without being told,
Baptizes grandbabies with magical waters
Visits the elderly weekly
And is always available in the office when people call.

Superclergy whose X-ray vision sees through concrete hypocrisy
Has an overflowing sanctuary on Sunday mornings while
Not upsetting members’ weekend plans.
And fearlessly proclaims Jesus love of enemies
Except terrorists and other people we don’t like.

Disguised as holy Harry Milktoast,
This mild mannered sycophant
Courageously introduces mind boggling changes
While never challenging the traditions of charter members

Let’s hear it for superclergy
Who absorbs insults without flinching
And spreads a gospel that never disturbs
While standing for truth, justice, and the American way.