Go out into the world...

Clergy families can offer special support and thanksgiving to other clergy families. Have some discussion within your family about another clergy family of which you are familiar. You might list some of the good things you think that pastor is doing and some of the stresses that s/he is under.

Then as a family, compose a letter to the family of the pastor. Celebrate with them some of the good things that are happening in his or her ministry. Share with them your awareness of some of the pressures that good ministry places on the pastor’s family. If appropriate, even name some of the particular pressures of which you are aware. Acknowledge some pressures that only another pastor’s family can understand.

Conclude the letter by offering thanks for the whole family and their support of the ministry. Also thank them for sharing with your family in the continuing challenge of bearing good news to the community.

Don’t ask for anything in return. Simply let it be an expression of thanks from your family to theirs. Be prepared for a shocked response from them because how often does one clergy family ever express thanks to another. It is, however, a good idea and both families may feel blessed by the experience.

If your children are late middle-school and above, the thanksgiving discussion may take on a different design. There would be positive power in simply having a discussion about what each sees as a positive part of being in a pastor’s family. Let the pastor keep silent and simply listen. When they have completed their thoughts, the pastor then develops a prayer of thanksgiving to God for the blessings they have received as a family.

If your family is open to a more creative design, you might want to have some discussion on what your family is thankful for and then invite each member to create a simple poem expressing their thanksgiving for the family. Depending on the nature of the family, you may want to suggest a particular form for the poem such as haiku, or some other type of poetry that is easy to follow. However, if a person is so inclined towards free verse or other forms, then they should develop their own poem.

Each poem could be the basis for family grace during the rest of the week.

When asked, it is fairly easy to come up with a list of ways in which being a pastor and a pastor’s family adds stress to the family. It is important to acknowledge this reality and develop ways to handle such stress. However, one needs to avoid developing a victim mentality and having a pity party.

One way to do that is to occasionally recognize the positive side of this equation. The design of such a discussion will differ depending on the ages of your family members.

If you have small children, you may want to make this conversation into a game. Play pastor’s family spin the bottle. Place a bottle in the middle of the family gathered in a circle. Spin the bottle and see who it points to. That person must tell the rest one of the good things about being in a pastor’s family. Then spin again and repeat the process. Each good answer gets a point and the first person to get 5 points gets to sit there while the other members prepare and serve him or her a special dessert.

Tomorrow, a design for families with older children.

This is a week for exploring the power of gratitude.

As a pastor, consider some of the many ways that members of your family support you in your ministry. Let me suggest a few ways just to trigger your own memory. Far more frequently than most members of your congregation, your spouse and your children are present in worship and many of the other activities of the church. They are frequently your chief support group when you need emotional nurture. They are often worker-bees when you need an extra pair of hands. They are often the ones that make the sacrifice when you are called away to attend a member of the congregation. They can be hurt when they hear someone criticizing you. They feel the pressure from the fish-bowl reality of your life.

You could add many more in your specific situation. Now here is your assignment. Think about a specific way that one of your family members has been helpful or supportive of you. Write that person, an individual member of your own family, a personal note of thanks.

If you would do that occasionally and, depending on which member you choose, provide a small appropriate gift, you would be surprised what that would do for the whole family.

Hopefully you have given yourself permission to take this day off and be with your family, or if you are single with some significant friends. These national holidays have a special gifted quality for religious professionals. Religious holidays often require some extra religious activity. A secular holiday like July 4, can be a free opportunity to rejoice in the gift of relationships that you have. That may be as close as you will get to a genuine sabbath.

If you are reading this on the 5th, I encourage you to spontaneously invite your family to share in some fun activities. It might be a board game, a hike, a movie, even a picnic in your backyard. Do it in a way that requires minimum work and maximum pleasure for all around.

Maybe to directly connect with the significance of this holiday, each of you could share one thing you appreciate about the land in which you live. It’s good to appreciate the gifts God has provided us.