Go out into the world...

Now theologians can’t just think. They have to test out their ideas. So first I tested it out on Adam to see what he thought. I guess that was asking a lot. His response was “I’m too tired to think about it now. If you try it, let me know. I’m going to go and watch the bear coconut championship game.” So he grabbed a gourd of grape juice that he said helped him relax and he went off to watch his game.
I looked at that fruit on the tree and saw that it really was delightful to look at. I once tried to explain to Adam how the colors of the different fruits, leaves, and blossoms matched so perfectly. His response was, “Huh?” Anyway, I figured anything that was so beautiful and made by such a good God couldn’t be that harmful, so I decided to taste just a little piece of it.
I couldn’t see how having a little knowledge of what was good and what was evil would hurt. It might even relieve God of having to make all those decisions. And maybe it would make us better people. After all, you can’t make choices between good and evil if you don’t know what is good and what is evil. I just wanted to know the difference so that I could choose good.

OK, so I admit it. I was the one who made that first fateful decision. I rebelled or, the way I like to put it, I was the first one to think. Now I’m not trying to put Adam down. He wasn’t such a bad guy. Well, to be truthful, he was the only guy in the beginning so he sort of set the bar for all males to follow. I just wouldn’t describe him as much of a thinker. Mostly he just got up late, wandered around the garden taking care of the plants, brushing down the animals, and tasting all the different fruits. It might surprise you to know that Adam, who had only been created a few months ago, had already developed a pot belly. I’m not sure that all males are guided by their stomachs but Adam was. I think males are just more directed by the moment than females are.
I, a female, on the other hand, was created to think more abstractly and to imagine the future. I mean what else do you do when you are picking up fig leaves Adam dropped on the floor, sweeping out the cave, and trying to prepare food to fill that endless pit that is tied to the vocal chords trained primarily to say, “What’s there to eat?”
I consider myself the first theologian. I was the first person to actually think about God. Some would say that is where I got into trouble, but I believe that God really wants us to think, question, and expand our minds. A theologian isn’t afraid to consider all the questions about God and life from every angle. Adam always jumped every time he saw God’s shadow. I think that showed a lack of faith in God. Since God is God, I can’t see how God is hurt by a few honest questions.

I guess I should be grateful. If Adam had not acted like a pine tree with half its needles missing, I might not have started thinking about what was going on. Oh, I know, you’ve all heard the story about how it was me, Eve, who ate the forbidden fruit and sin entered the world. But who wrote that story, I ask you. It was a man, wasn’t it? That version is just another one of men’s sacrifice stories.
Don’t you hear the male vocal chords all over the world repeating. Adam’s familiar response: “It’s not my fault, the woman that you gave to me, she told me to do it.” Did you catch that little bit, “that you gave me.” He could have made the other statement, “Look at my rib, I gave that up so that she could live and then she went and got me in trouble.” When do men ever take responsibility for their own action? The Garden really isn’t that big but when we get lost when we are exploring, do you think Adam would ever stop and ask the giraffe, who has a much better view, where to go. No, he just keeps wandering, getting more and more lost, and telling me not to worry; he knows what he is doing.
Well, let me tell you the other side of the story. Did I eat the forbidden fruit? Yes, I accept responsibility for my actions. I was the first one to have a rebellious thought – actually, truth be known, I may have been the first one to have any thought period. My gluttonous husband was so busy tasting all the different plants and complaining about his sore side that he didn’t have time to think.

I’ve been working on some short stories centered on Genesis 1-11. I want to share one with you. Recognizing all the dangers of a man writing something supposedly from a woman’s perspective, I share with you “Eve’s Story.”

It’s not easy being Eve in this world. There are always Adams around reminding you that he has made all he sacrifices so that you can exist. I think God may have made a mistake when males were created. Maybe that’s why God had to try a second time with a new and improved model – the woman.
I mean, look at the male model. Doesn’t it appear that there may have been a short circuit somewhere? Maybe it is near that very spot where God took a rib to make the new improved model. Have you ever noticed the difference between woman and men in the area of sacrifice? I mean women are always making sacrifices for the sake of others. They don’t say anything about it. It’s just what we do.
But men, every time they make even the tiniest o sacrifices, it’s like it triggers their vocal chords. They have to go around announcing it to the whole world, “Heh, look at me, I made a sacrifice. Here, count my ribs – see, I gave one up so she could live.”

Without realizing it, you become a god unto yourself. While you yearn to tell someone else so that they can admire how clever you are, you can’t really do that. So you become a god, creating your own little universe and setting your own standards of right and wrong. (You have eaten the fruit of the knowledge of good and evil.) If you give the appearance of success, others will praise you, but none can fully know who you are.
The kids are now in college. Marie has withdrawn into a little shell. We live with a silent agreement never to discuss where the money comes from. I’ve learned that religion sells and the internet expanded the market.

In the beginning, it was a thrill to be called by God. I believed I was being called to be part of God’s team to save the world. Somewhere that connection got lost. Maybe it was when I began to create my own little universe. At first it was for a good cause. I wanted to make Marie and the children happier. It felt good to please them. Soon my ego was stroked, not only their admiration but by my own cleverness. And there was also the risk. It makes me feel alive.

How long will it last. I’m not sure that an addict ever asks that question. They only focus on the next high. I’m speaking at a religious convention next week in Las Vegas. The title of my speech is “God didn’t create this rich earth and then call you to be poor.”
I’ve also been studying up on how to win at the Black Jack Table. Most people think it all depends on luck, but I think I’ve discovered a method that just might work.

THE END