Go out into the world...

You’ve introduced your new staff member to some key figures in the congregation and encouraged that person to take some time to talk with them about the congregation. You’ve also put them in contact with a religious professional in a parallel position in another church and asked that person to give them a tour of the nearby community. Once that staff person has settled into the community and church, it is easy to get so caught up in the immediate demands of the congregation and ministry that we don’t take the time to take advantage of this new situation.

Some four to six months after a person has arrived, it would be good to set aside some time for a further extended conversation that could benefit both you and the staff person. In preparation for that conversation, ask that staff person to reflect on the following.
1. As a relative newcomer with a professional background, paint a picture of what this congregation looks like to you with both its strengths and weaknesses.
2. Give me an idea of at least two directions you would like to focus on. 3. What do you see as possible barriers to overcome or assistance you need in these efforts?
4. What excites you personally about this call?

It is always good to get a fresh perspective on the congregation. It is also important for a staff person to know that you are interested in their call and the challenges that they see.

Tomorrow, I want to comment on how a variation on this conversation might be of value for all the staff on a yearly basis.

In most cases when you bring on a new staff person, they are moving from another community. Sometimes we forget what a major readjustment that requires. It could be very helpful for the search committee to brainstorm some of the numerous decisions, contacts, and orientation that will be necessary. Home rent or purchase and location. If the person has children, there are issues of schools. Finding doctors, grocery stores, shopping centers, etc.

Consider how helpful it would be if the committee separated these into categories and identified a person that could be helpful in each area. You might share the list with the new person and ask what additions should be made. That list, together with phone numbers could ease a lot of stress. It might also be helpful to say from the beginning that you understand that certain time periods need to be set aside during the work week to explore the area.

Next, identify a person in a similar position in a nearby church and ask if they would be willing to take that person on a half-day tour of the community and introduce him or her to community resources that might be helpful. My wife recently took a new pastor around the community and showed her some of the major social service agencies and explained what they did. In the process she met the people in charge as well as got a sense of the larger community.

What you are doing is demonstrating hospitality in a practical way. It benefits both the church and the new person and helps them have a strong beginning.

A church expends a lot of energy in seeking and hiring a new staff person. Then s/he comes and people hold their breath to see if it all works. While there are lots of intangibles that determine whether a new person fits, there are some things that the head of staff can do that can make it more likely that s/he gets off to a good start. Recently the Harvard bulletin had an article about helping a person get a good start that I think is adaptable to a multiple staff position.

The first suggestion may seem obvious but a little intentional planning can help it happen more efficiently. You can help that person get oriented faster by identifying key “stakeholders” in that person’s area and making sure that they meet right away. You could arrange for an evening dessert with some of these people or set up some lunch opportunities.

At those meetings, form some helpful questions for them to explore. What has been taking place in that area that the people hope will continue? What dreams do they have about future development? Who are some of the gifted people in that area that can be counted upon? And allow time for the new person to share about his or her background and some of the past accomplishments that provided real satisfaction.

You could also make a list of what the article calls the cultural carriers or people who can help a person get things done. These may not be in the area of specific focus but they are people in the congregation that can be of help as the new person gets a sense of the culture of the church. It would be valuable to make a list of 5 to 10 such people that would be helpful in this way. Again, encouraging your new person to meet with them soon after beginning can be a lot of help.

We will look at other suggestions tomorrow.

After a number of active exercises, you could then move to a more reflective aspect of the retreat. There is often value in having people write for ten minutes without interruption on a specific topic.

For ten minutes write on the topic, how has been being a member of a pastor’s family affected my friendships?

For ten minutes, write about what you would like to tell God about how it feels to be a member of a pastor’s family.

For ten minutes, write about what you admire about the pastor and his or her work in the church.

For ten minutes, write about how growing up in a pastor’s family has affected what you want to do in your life.

For ten minutes, write on this subject. If you could send an anonymous message to the congregation about how they treat the pastor, what would you want to say?

Pick out two or three of these, and after each ten minute writing session, have the people share what they have written. If there is a large group, you might have to do that in small groups with a facilitator.

You might also do an anonymous advice session. Have people write out a question about how to handle a certain situation and then let the whole group develop a group answer.

The mixture of active exercises and more reflective activities can provide a balance for the retreat. Recognize that this may be one of the first times that some of these youth have had a chance to share their feelings about being part of a minister’s family. You need to have some leaders present who are prepared to assist in a supportive way those who might become emotional in sharing. Be careful not to have any of the leaders become defensive about what is being said. It needs to be clear from the beginning that nothing that individuals say at the meeting will be shared with others. If the group agrees, there might be some value in sharing general statements that cannot be traced back to an individual.

Play with the design. I would be glad to hear of new ideas that you have.

Being part of a minister’s family is different from being in other families. Not only are you in a 24 hour fish bowl, but people act differently towards you when they know your father or mother is a pastor. I think a presbytery could make a healthy contribution towards family health by holding a retreat for the teenagers of pastors. It could be a one day retreat or a weekend retreat but it would be designed to allow them to explore both their positive and negative feelings among others in a similar situation.

Let me suggest a possible agenda for such an event. First, you begin with food as people arrive. Then you welcome them and briefly explain that we will spend time exploring the various advantages and disadvantages of being a PK. You might then ask people to speak out a single word or short phrase that describes what it is like being a PK.

Then move to a values clarification exercise. Have a long strip down the middle of the room with numbers 1-5 reaching out each way from the center of the strip. Tell the group to place themselves along the strip in the following manner. If they can share 1, 2, 3, 4, or 5 advantages to being part of a pastor’s family, place themselves on a number to the right of center, and if they can share 1-5 disadvantages, put themselves on the number to the left of center. Once placed, have them share alternating between advantages and disadvantages.

Next, have them separate themselves into one of four corners of the room. One corner for people whose father has always been a full time pastor. Second corner, their mother is the pastor. third corner their parent is a second-career pastor. Fourth corner, their parent is a part time pastor. (You might find other categories.) Let each group talk among themselves about how their situation is different from the other groups. Come up with 3 – 5 differences that will then be shared.

Remix the groups into small groups of 4-6 people each. Give them skits to develop illustrating various realities of being in a pastor’s family. You can make up several different skits such as how a family handles the pastor having to interrupt a vacation, how they respond to hearing about criticism of pastor’s work, how some other teens respond to hearing that they are part of a pastor’s family, etc. After each skit is acted out, there is time for discussion.

Tomorrow some other possibilities.