A major contribution to the loneliness experienced by a pastor is a strong feeling of guilt associated with the tension between attending to the needs of the congregation and the needs of his or her family. While this is not unique to the profession of ministry, sometimes that feeling of guilt can be affected by one’s understanding of God’s call to the ministry. Sometimes, as with other professions, it is also affected by the pastor’s need to be a success in the ministry. A pastor may get praised for extending himself or herself on behalf of the needs of a congregation, but s/he rarely gets praised for how well s/he balances attention to the needs of the congregation and the needs of the family.

What if a session occasionally recognized this tension by publicly thanking the individual members of the family for their support of the pastor’s ministry. For example, after a pastor has been through a particularly stressful season at the church, what if an Elder spoke to the congregation with words of appreciation for the excellent work of the pastor during, for example, the Lent and Easter season, and also led in a prayer of thanksgiving for each member of the pastor’s family by name for their willingness to support the pastor’s work even though it denied them family time.

If a pastor has to cut short a vacation or give up a day off because of a pastoral emergency and this affected the individual members of the family as well, what if someone wrote to the other members of the family, recognizing their sacrifice as well and offering them thanks?

The idea is to signal to the family that the church is aware that the quality of the pastor’s ministry is affected by their efforts as well.