(DISCUSSION WITHIN A COMPANY OF PASTORS)
This discussion is based on the second story in volume 2, Clergy Tales–Tails: Wagging, Friendly but Exhausting.The story is Did God Say amzn.to/1a1uCI6 Enjoy the story first before gathering to reflect on it with your colleagues.
Allow ample time to check in, share some food, and raise any questions that have occurred since the last time. If there were those who dropped out, take some time to process the groups feelings about their missing members. You might even discuss whether there were other ways that members could continue to offer the missing members with colleague support.
If your group is reduced in numbers and you want to consider adding some new members, recognize the challenge of how to integrate the new members into your group. Consider specific steps to take to make the group comfortable with each other.
As you begin to reflect on Did God Say, allow people to share their general reactions to the story. Because they are familiar with the process by now, they may raise issues about ministry that you have identified for further discussion. Simply acknowledge them and point out that you will be discussing them later. If they raise additional issues, make sure that the group does return to these issues at some point in the discussion.
EXHAUSTED BY TEDIUM
Charles, the pastor in the story, Did God Say, contrasts the thrill of being called by God and the exhausting tedium of the daily tasks in ministry.
“What a thrilling thought to be working for God. However, when your call results in being a pastor of a modest-size church in a small Midwestern city, the work can become rather tedious.
“I know the old joke about only having to work one hour a week, but the congregation seems more than willing to fill in the rest of the hours as well. Two or three nights a week, there is some committee meeting. During the day, there are hospital visits to make, Bible studies to conduct, youth groups to plan for, community work with other pastors, and responding to the inevitable family crisis or request for personal counseling.”
What are practices that members have discovered that help a pastor keep touch with that source of call and satisfactions in ministry and resist being worn down by the daily tedium of ministry?
FINANCIAL PRESSURE
As Charles reflects on the tensions of not being able to provide adequately for his family, he thinks:
“It made me feel like less of a man when I could not provide for my family. Marie would agree that neither of us dreamed of being rich. We just wanted not to have migraines each month as we tried to stretch my small paycheck to meet our many bills. Occasionally we wanted to afford some little extras.”
To what degree do you think inadequate financial resources distract pastors from their satisfaction in ministry?
What other features of ministry sometimes challenge a pastor’s self-image?
BEING ADDICTED TO THE THRILL
Charles reflects on the addictive quality of his own unethical behavior.
“I must admit there was also a little thrill to the clandestine nature of my efforts. …I have read news articles about politicians, financial wizards, lawyers, and CEOs of large corporations getting caught accepting bribes or engaging in creative and profitable money making schemes. These were not people who were living in poverty. I often wondered what made them risk everything to get a little bit more when they already had enough.
“I think I understand now. It was not about the money. It was the thrill of living on the edge. It was sort of like an addiction. It began with some small rationalization that justified my actions. Then there was a thrill of getting away with it. It made me feel smarter than others. Then, like dope, the old thrill was not enough. You had to raise the stakes, take more risks, and prove to yourself how brilliant you really were.”
Do you think it is possible that sometimes clergy also take risky behavior, even unethical behavior, because it adds some thrill to what has become a boring, even if exhausting, life?
Most addictive behavior involves some form of denial of the power that the behavior has over the person. How would you describe Charles’ form of denial.
What scenario can you imagine that might break through his denial? In essence you are imagining an alternative ending to the story.
How do you respond to his analysis of such behavior becoming addictive?
YOU WILL BE LIKE GOD
Charles reflects on how the isolation caused by his secret behavior is similar to what happened to Adam and Eve in the garden.
“While you yearned to tell someone else so that they could admire how clever you were, you could not really do that. So you became a god, creating your own little universe, and setting your own standards of right and wrong. (You have eaten the fruit of the knowledge of good and evil.)”
Are there other ways that ministry tempts one to “become a god unto oneself? How do you avoid such a pitfall?
As a group, build a list of 5 – 10 addictive behaviors that clergy can find tempting?
What role do you think a combination of mind numbing demands and feeling underappreciated play in a person’s susceptibility to such temptations?